Friday, February 20, 2015

Dear Valued Guest

I’d never been to Boise, Idaho though I felt compelled to visit last month after beginning my all tater tot diet. Before heading off to the land of “Famous Potatoes,” I researched some hotels. All I can say is, thank God for the Internet! In the event you have reason to venture to Boise, Idaho in the near future (tater tot diet or not), you may want to check out these recent TravelVisor reviews about the Best Days Motor Lodge so you can sidestep a lodging landmine. 


“Horrible stay!”
Reviewed 3 days ago

My stay at your Best Days Motor Lodge was horrible! There was a rat the size of a fullback in my room. When I tried calling the front desk, I got a message saying that the number had been disconnected and was no longer in service. I had no choice but to shoot the rat with my complimentary handgun, which was not really complimentary at all as I was charged for the bullets. Really, Best Days Motor Lodge? Really? That’s like saying the breakfast is complimentary and then charging for the silverware. Wait a minute…you DID charge for the silverware—a $4.95 forkage fee! You should change the name of your hotel to Best Days Clip Joint. I will leave you with these two words: Fork you, Best Days Motor Lodge, fork you! (I know that’s more than two words but don’t worry…the other six words are COMPLIMENTARY!)

Dear Valued Guest: We are sorry you were not satisfied with your stay. And we thank you for bringing these items to our attention. Please note that you are always welcome to bring your own bullets to Best Days Motor Lodge. And contrary to what you might think, we do not levy an ammunage fee. Also, we would like to point out that we did not charge you for the removal of the dead rat. Since this was your first time offing a large rodent in our hotel, we happily waived the $15 rattage fee. We look forward to seeing you at Best Days Motor Lodge again soon!


“Awful experience!”
Reviewed 5 days ago

My experience at the Best Days Motor Lodge was awful! I couldn’t sleep a wink because my king-size bed with pillow-top mattress was incredibly lumpy. Turns out it wasn’t a pillow-top mattress at all but rather a Stove-Top Stuffing mattress! WTF? I called housekeeping for a replacement mattress and was told, in no uncertain terms, that the entire staff is Orthodox and doesn’t work on the Sabbath. (But they can answer the phone? Yeah, REAL Orthodox!) They then transferred me to room service. WTF? Ten minutes later, a waiter showed up at my door with a piping hot gravy boat—but NO cranberries! (Apparently, room service is not Orthodox but Ortho-dopes!) I will never stay at your hotel on the Sabbath again—or ever!

Dear Valued Guest: We are sorry you were not satisfied with your stay. And we thank you for bringing these items to our attention. Please note that our housekeeping staff is Modern Orthodox and is allowed to answer the phone and transfer calls on the Sabbath but not replace mattresses. As for your experience with room service, gravy is the traditional condiment of choice for our Stove-Top Stuffing mattresses. Cranberries stain and are nearly impossible to get out—especially on the Sabbath. We look forward to seeing you at Best Days Motor Lodge again soon!


“Worst services!”
Reviewed 7 days ago

The services at Best Days Motor Lodge are the worst! You advertised a fitness room on your website. A medieval torture chamber is more like it—and a crummy one at that. There was only one strappado and I had to wait over an hour for it because some sado-masochist wannabe couldn’t figure out the simple rope and pulley system. Lame! To add insult to injury, the rack was temporarily out of service. Lame plus! Following that debacle, I headed over to your outdoor pool, which your website touted as heated. And it was—thanks to the Himmelfarbs, an elderly and mutually incontinent couple from 
Pocatello. Lame-o-Rama! Needless to say, I will never recommend your PISS poor hotel to anyone (not even my elderly and mutually incontinent friends). 

Dear Valued Guest: We are sorry you were not satisfied with your stay. And we thank you for bringing these items to our attention. Please note that the rack is, and always has been, in working order. The “temporarily out of service” sign was put up by a disgruntled employee who was fired for repeatedly short-sheeting beds. Regarding the elderly and mutually incontinent Himmelfarbs, they’ve been unselfishly heating our pool for years, allowing us to earn Idaho’s Green (and Yellow) Hotel Seal of Approval. We look forward to seeing you at Best Days Motor Lodge again soon!



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